My Mother-in-Law

This lovely woman was my mother-in-law for over 30 years. She passed away on October 1st at the age of 91 years and 2 1/2 months. She was one of the sweetest, kindest people I have ever known and I loved her very much. I always tell people that I had my mother-in-law fooled - she thought I was perfect! Now you know as well as I do that she probably really didn't think I was perfect. But she certainly made me feel as though she did.

I had the best mother-in-law. I honestly don't think that in over 30 years I was ever truly angry with her. Of course I got frustrated and annoyed from time to time - but angry? No. I have to wonder if she was ever angry with me. If she was, I never knew. And I am grateful for that.

The past few days I have been thinking alot about our relationship and about other mother/daughter-in-law relationships. It seems to me that this particular combination has gotten a very bad rap over the years. For as long as there have been stand-up comedians, there have been mother-in-law jokes. Let's face it - they are one of the quickest ways for male comics to get a cheap laugh. There was even a movie made about a horrible MIL called "Monster In Law" with Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez. But is it really that difficult to get a long with your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law? I certainly hope not! Ladies - your son chose this girl whom he loves very much to spend the rest of his life with. Certainly she has many outstanding qualities and characteristics. And Girls - this woman gave birth to and raised your husband. The man you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with. ?Surely she is not all bad.

I would like to outline some tips for both sides to consider when working on their respective relationships.

Mothers-in-Law

1. Recognize that your DIL is a person. She is entitled to be treated respectfully, just as you want to be treated.

2. Accept that you are NOT her parent - if you feel the urge to parent her STOP. She already has a mother and is not going to feel the same way about you that she does her own mother. Seek to have a mutually respectful, pleasant relationship.

3. Explore your motivations. Why do you feel the need to judge. Live and let live.

4. Keep secrets secret. If you say things about your DIL to people, there is a chance it will get back to her. And nothing good will ever come of that.

5. Remember that your son now makes his own decisions. Remember your son chose this woman. She meets his needs in ways that you may not understand.

6. Remember that your son and DIL are both adults. Their decisions are THEIR decisions. If you constantly question them it will cause problems between them and between you and your son.

7. Don't insult your DIL's intelligence. After all, she was smart enough to pick your son.

8. Remember that your DIL is your son's life partner. She should be his first priorty. Respect their partnership and let them navigate through life together as a team.

I have a friend who told me that she once said to her son "I realize that now that you're married, I no longer occupy the front seat on the bus. And now that you have a child, I have had to move further toward the back of the bus, and that's fine. Just please don't make me get off the bus!"

Daughters-in-Law

1. Remember, your husband was a son to his mother first. The more you try to come between your husband and his mother, the more his family will resent you and it will undermine your efforts to get along with them.

2. Don't take everything so personal. Taking every suggestion, recommendation or idea offered as negative indicates low self-esteem. She might just be trying to be helpful!

3. The relationship with the son/husband is not a competition. He married you because he loves you. A husband should put his wife first in a relationship, but don't put him the position of having to defend his relationship with his mother.

4. Communication is key. Take the time to keep your MIL informed about news and updates. ask for advice and willingly listen to her ideas.

5. Take good care of her son. He is and will always be her child. Of course she wants him to live in a clean home, have clean clothes, and nourishing meals. Just as you would want that for your own son when he is an adult.

6. Don't gossip about your in-laws. Spreading negative gossip about family members can be toxic to relationships. Try to say positive things and hopefully the positive feelings will soon follow.

7. Make sure your MIL has access to her grandchildren. They are just as much her grandchildren as they are your mother's grandchildren. Try hard not to play favorites. Make sure the children know that they have two sets of loving grandparents and make an effort to ensure that they spend equal amounts of time with both sets wherever geography and desire permits.

I am so grateful for the loving relationship that I shared with my own mother-in-law and I attribute it mostly to her. She always made me feel like she thought I was so wonderful and such a good wife to her son and mother to her grandchildren. I loved her very much and will miss her cheery personality and loving ways. Even when her health was failing, she would always compliment my appearance whenever I would visit her. When I hugged her goodbye she always told me how much she loved me and how much she appreciated the things I did for her. I hope she felt my love for her. She was a wonderful example to me.

Let's Take a Trip!

A recent article on CNN.com made the statement that experiences, in the long run, "make people happier than possessions". For me, at least, that statement rings true. Think for a moment about purchasing a new sofa. Of course, you wanted the new sofa and enjoy shopping to select the perfect one. You look forward to the day it will be delivered and can't wait to sit on it and admire it in your room. But as time passes, you get over the newness, the excitement wears off. Experiences on the other hand, create memories - often happy ones - that remain with you long after the event has occurred.

Experiences also provide a sense of "relatedness" to others. Sure sitting on the sofa with your spouse may make you feel close to that person, but not the way a shared adventure can bring you closer to friends and family.

Val and I just returned from a week-long vacation to Nauvoo with a couple with whom we have been close friends for over 25 years. Many years ago, in 1989 to be exact, we took a vacation with them to the East Coast. We left six children (3 each) behind in the care of loving grandparents and set off on our great adventure. We were gone 10 days and enjoyed many great experiences from Maine to New York. Before we set off on our most recent trip, I pulled out the old photographs from the trip all those years ago. What fun it was to look through those photos and relive all the fun we had!

Our most recent vacation with our friends was just as fun as the one we took 22 years ago. Once again, the guys rode in the front, the girls in the back. We talked and laughed as we drove. It was different however, in that we left no little ones behind. We did not feel the need to check in to see if our children were all right and not giving grandma a hard time. This new sense of freedom felt great. Don't let anyone kid you, it's great to be able to travel without worrying about the little children you left at home (or worrying about the people you left them with). We enjoyed every minute of our trip.

I've posted a few pictures from our 1989 trip and some from our 2011 trip. Please don't be alarmed at how youthful we once looked. Yes, it is sad that we have gotten older - but it happens.

Here we are on the USS Massachusetts (Big Mamie) in Fall River, MA. Apparently, we couldn't find anyone to take a group shot because this is the ONLY picture we have of all four of us.
We went to New York City and spent one day there sightseeing. This is the picture of the skyline of lower Manhattan at that time. I find it quite poignant that we flew home from our 2011 trip on September 11, 2011.

Here are Kevin, Shauna (yes her name is Shauna too) and I on the top of the World Trade Center. I am so glad that I had the opportunity to ride to the top of that building and look out over New York City. This is a memory I will always cherish.

Kevin, Shauna and Val on top of the world.

2011

At the airport before flying to St. Louis.

At the Nauvoo visitor's center with an original sunstone from the Nauvoo temple.

The four of us at Carthage Jail.

At Joseph Smith's Red Brick Store enjoying a Root Beer.

Graves of Hyrum, Joseph and Emma Smith

Inspiration Point overlooking the Mississippi River

The Nauvoo Temple at night

The Shaunas in front of the Hotel Nauvoo

The four of us in front of the Willard Richards Inn after our private tour.

Yes, we are literally in the top of the St. Louis Arch!

Busch Stadium - Cardinals vs. Braves

Our trip to Nauvoo and the Church History Sites was something I had wanted to do for years. It was an amazing experience and I will cherish the memories of the special, sacred feelings I had while I was there. I am also so grateful for the time Val and I had to spend together. We seldom get to travel when it is not work-related, so this trip was a special treat to be able to spend every day together. And finally, I will treasure the time we spent with our friends. This trip was worth more to me than any furniture or car. Now I can't wait to plan our next trip!

Just Say Thank You

I have a confession to make - when I got married I did not write thank you notes! It was the trend at that time to give out little scrolls with a preprinted thank you message at the wedding reception. And yes, (gasp) I bought into that lazy idea.

I have always regretted the fact that I did not express my sincere gratitude to all of the generous people who helped Val and I get our start in life. Since then, I have tried to write timely, sincere expressions of my gratitude for gifts, kindnesses, favors, etc.

So often, we just assume that people know we are appreciative of a kindness or gift. Some people even go so far as to say that they do not send (or expect) thank you notes and others will just have to get used to this and accept it. How sad to miss this opportunity to bless others! In Thessalonians the Apostle Paul teaches us, "In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." If it is God's will that we give thanks in everything, I believe that he had a good reason for wanting us to act on this principle.

It shows a tremendous amount of character, maturity, kindness, and consideration for others to take the time to sit down and write a sincere, heartfelt expression of your gratitude. Often in our society, phrases like "I love you" and "thank you" can become shallow and empty. They are quick, auto-programmed words that are just thrown out there. Underneath, the graciousness of what we have received escapes us.

When we take the time to express our feelings of gratitude to someone, a wonderful thing happens. We get to re-live the moment and realize that the giver invested some of his or her time, money or talent in our life. So if you really appreciate what someone has done, prove it with an expression of thanks in the form of written words that they can see and keep.

I would like to challenge and encourage you to love and value those who have extended their love and kindness to you. Take the time to sincerely express your thanks in written form. Friendships are deepened, relationships are strengthened, and hearts are lifted and the desire of God's heart for our lives is fulfilled by our giving thanks.

COOKING WITH KIKI

First of all, let me state that I am NOT a gourmet cook or a "foodie". However, I do like to eat and enjoy cooking from scratch. After Kelsey got married and left home, I have to confess I got a little lazy. It seemed like too much effort to just cook for two and when Val was out of town, are you kidding me? I was NOT cooking just for myself. But now Kelsey and Kyle have moved in for a brief period of time and I find myself cooking again - and liking it! To be honest, I have missed many of my recipes! I really like my own cooking and have quite a collection of delicious recipes which I have collected over the years from friends, family, cookbooks, and the internet.

While eating out is enjoyable, indulgent, and exciting it can also be expensive, unhealthy and inconvenient. Cooking at home is a healthful, practical alternative. I must admit that my recipes are fairly mainstream. They contain, sugar, milk, yeast, wheat, gluten, peanut butter, and many other ingredients that some people must eliminate from their diets. I don't use organic foods although we do have a garden and enjoy the fresh vegetables. In a nutshell, I cook like a 50 year old Mormon woman!

During January, my sister told me that she had decided to input all her recipes into her computer and print them out into a cookbook. Not to be outdone, I thought "I'll do it, too!" So I began the process of typing in all my recipes. It did not take as long as I thought and I actually really enjoyed the process. It gave me the opportunity to clean out my recipe box and weed out recipes that I knew I would not use. I divided my cookbook into the basic sections (main dishes, soups, breads, etc). I used a larger font so that I didn't have to put on my reading glasses to read the recipes. Due to the large font, some pages have only one or two recipes but I like that. I put them in sheet protectors and a 3-ring binder. I have to say that I LOVE it! I beats my recipe box hands down. And I have the option to add recipes at any time. I just add them to the file on my computer in the appropriate section, print out that page, and insert it into the binder. An added bonus is it is so EASY to flip through the book when trying to decide what to make for dinner.

This is the cover of my recipe book. Pretty Betty Crocker, huh.

This shows my section divider pages.

This shows the format of the pages.

For Valentines Day, I decided to make a book for my married children. I printed out four more copies and put them in binders for them. I included a Cafe Rio gift card with a note that said "something for when you want to cook and something for when you don't". The girls ask me for recipes from time to time and I thought it would be nice for them to have everything.

Love my recipe book! It was the perfect solution for me.

"Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice"

Anyone who is reading this blog who is also a facebook friend knows that I recently became a grandmother again. Can I just say that I totally ADORE being a grandma or "Kiki" as my first granddaughter has christened me. I never ever thought I would have a "grandma name". I always assumed I would be just "grandma". But Baylee changed all that. She called Val her Papa and she would only call me Kiki so I delightedly switched gears and now that's who I am. ( It is interesting to note that her daddy, my son Travis, called my mother "Muggie" and my children still call her that today. )

When I was expecting my first child, I broke the happy news to my parents. My mother's response was "Well, I am not a babysitter". I have to confess that I was quite taken back and made a mental note at that point to only ask her to babysit when I was desperate. (she doesn't read my blog so I'm not too worried that she will read this -however, it is a fact - that is what she said.) I, on the other hand, couldn't wait to get my hands on those babies ASAP after they were born. It's fun to have them come over with their parents, but I really enjoy the times we spend just Kiki and baby. I have been fortunate to be able to help out both my sons and their wives by watching Baylee and Mason while their parents were at work. I have really enjoyed this opportunity to get to know these two precious little people on a one-on-one basis. I know their likes and dislikes and their schedules so having them all day or overnight is relatively easy and stress-free. With our recent new addition, I look forward to getting to know her unique personality and enjoying her as an individual.

I love making baby items for my "precious angels" as I call them. I have recently added to my baby layette repertoire car seat covers, wrap liners for the carseat, and designer burp cloths. The ones shown here are for my newest precious angel, Taylor. I also made a set for my grandson, Mason, who was born last December.

This is the liner wrap for carseat. I saw one of these at a baby shower and decided I HAD to learn how to make it! A local fabric store had some that they had made, but when I asked if I could purchase the pattern (I purchased the pattern for the carseat cover and various blankets there) I got a strange response that ended with No. NBD I decided I could design my own pattern. After some trial and error, this is my finished product. It is a modified clover-leaf design with slots cut in for the carset straps.

I used coordinating fabric on the opposite side and trimmed it with rick rack. It wraps around the baby to keep her warm, still allowing her to be securely buckled in the carseat. This wrap is flannel on both sides.

The carset cover is made from poly/cotton in coordinating fabric. The underside is also a coordinating fabric. I lined the cover with a mid-weight interfacing because I wanted it to be a little stiffer so as to hold the shape better.

I had seen flowers like this on another carseat cover and decided I wanted to give them a try. I have to confess, they were quite labor-intensive but I would make them again for another baby. They are SUPER CUTE. I attached them to the tabs on the handle with giant snaps so mommy can take them off when she launders the cover.

I love the fabrics Liz (my daughter-in-law) chose. They are so pretty and feminine. This was a fun, fun project and I look forward to making more for future babies. Next I am going to attempt a design for a carseat slipcover which will fit snugly over the carseat with elastic to cover the inside padding, still allowing the straps to come through. I have seen them at the mall and am dying to see if I can come up with a do-it-yourself version.

Last but not least are my designer burp cloths. They are made from run of the mill cloth diapers with either flannel or cotton scraps sewn on and decorated with rick rack, ribbon, buttons, etc. They can be coordinated with the carseat set, or other blankets for a totally put together baby! Can I just say that I . AM . ADDICTED to making them. Obviously, these are for a girl, you should see the boy ones! They are darling as well. Much cuter on your shoulder than a plain cloth diaper and defintely more stylish. A friend of Tara's told me they look like a mini scrapbook page! I loved that.

I realize tons of people probably make this stuff, but I enjoyed doing it and look forward to making more. Definitely a fun project for any grandmother!

17 Miracles

Val and I had heard about this movie and decided it would be fitting to see it for Pioneer Day. It was made by TC Christensen, a local LDS filmmaker, who we know personally. The film tells the story of the Martin-Willey Handcart company and some of the miracles that occurred during their ill-fated journey to the Salt Lake Valley. It is definitely geared toward an LDS audience, but the acting was good and the story was compelling. Some of the accounts I had not heard before. It was a little slow to start, but as I watched the background information about the featured members of the company, I found myself drawn into their stories. The stories and their theme are familiar to those of us who are members of the LDS faith, but they are valuable reminders of the incredible sacrifices made by those who made that ill-fated journey. I am, without fail, brought to tears whenever I watch one of Brother Christensen's films. (He also directed Legacy, The Testaments, Joseph Smith - Prophet of the Restoration and was director of photography for The Work and the Glory.) I highly recommend this movie for those of our faith who have heard the story before and also for those not of our faith who are interested in hearing about this story of faith and sacrifice.

http://motleyvision.org/ldscinema/2011/06/review-17-miracles-b/

Baylee's Book

My latest project is a book I made for Baylee (my granddaughter). Let me know what you think!

http://www.mixbook.com/photo-books/all/baylee-s-farm-day-5627272

My Obsession

I am obsessed with making photo books - really. I LOVE doing it. I have probably made thirty different books over the last 3 or 4 years. It so much fun for me. I have made wedding albums, vacation books, missionary scrapbooks, story books, you name it! I have a friend who does weddings and I recently made a sign in book for her for one of her brides. My latest project was this ABC Book that I made for my grandson. I gave it to him last night and he LOVED it. He loves books anyway, and he was so excited with his new book that was all about him. This particular website is a great one. It is reasonably priced and offers discounts and coupons all the time. It is flexible and offers the ability to import stickers and backgrounds so that your book is fully customizable. Below is a link to my recent creation.

http://www.mixbook.com/photo-books/family/mason-s-abc-book-5588208

KIKI'S RULES FOR SUMMER

Thank goodness, it's finally here! SUMMER - That much anticipated long awaited season where bare feet, popsicles, wet swimsuits, and picnics are the order of the day. Here in Utah, we have to wait a looooong time for actual summer weather to arrive. We must suffer through January, February, and March with their wind, snow, temperature inversions and other kinds of horribly depressing weather. Then there are April and May which should be mild, spring-like months but are actually just extensions of January, February and March. Even when June finally arrives, we cannot count on Mother Nature to give us what we want - SUMMER! Sunshine, gentle breezes, warm temperatures . . . you know - SUMMER. But, thank goodness, summer has finally arrived in Utah. Sun, blue skies, temperatures in the high 80's S.U.M.M.E.R. Here are some rules (or more like guidelines) for making your summer the best it can be!

1. Go to the pool once a week. Preferrably with little kids. Read, nap, eat. I totally love it.
2. Go barefoot every second that it is possible, especially when walking on grass.
3. Get a pedicure and never wear socks (unless you have to in your running shoes)
4. Eat all the watermelon you possibly can.
5. Squeeze a lime wedge in your drinks. Lime makes everything taste better and more summery.
6. Take a blanket out on your lawn and lay on it and read a book. Then when you get sleepy, put the book down and fall asleep.
7. Listen to Jimmy Buffett.
8. Open the sun roof in your car even when the A/C is on.
9. Get a tan or use self tanner. Summer is more fun with a tan.
10. Celebrate the 4th of July - really celebrate. Go to a parade, have a barbeque, light fireworks, sing patriotic songs at the top of your lungs (my personal fav is "You're a Grand Old Flag".
11. Go to a live baseball game - little league, AAA, Major League - it doesn't matter. Eat a hot dog and sing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" (or "Sweet Caroline" if you're lucky enough to be at Fenway Park).
12. Eat a sno-cone or shave ice. Eat more than one.

I COULD go on, but you get the idea. Have a wonderful summer!

Best Friends and Roommates

As some of you may know, my sister-in-law Sherry Young, writes a column for the Deseret News. A couple of years ago, she published this article about children growing up and becoming your best friends. At the time, I felt impressed to save the article and am so glad I did. All four of my children are married now and gratefully, to people that I truly love and enjoy as individuals. I feel so blessed to have two darling daughters-in-law who are righteous mothers to my grandchildren, hard working and who love and care for my sons. I am also fortunate to have two sons-in-law who are righteous priesthood holdres, treat my daughters like queens and who will watch baseball games with me. I love spending time with my married children and their spouses. We play and laugh and enjoy one anothers' company.

In the LDS Church's Proclamation on the Family it states, "the family is ordained of God". It also states "we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets". The proclamation also tells us that "extended families should lend support when needed"

And that's why I'm writing this post. At different times, all our married children have had to live with us for a period of time in order to save money for a home. Currently, Kelsey and Kyle are living with us for that purpose. They moved in to stay this past weekend. Val and I are so happy that we have accommodations for our children in our basement that provide adequate privacy for them and for us. We are grateful that we can assist our children in this way so that they can purchase their own homes. We look forward to the time spent helping and counseling them as they prepare to make BIG CHANGES in their lives.

I am sure that as our older marrieds prepare to make the transition from "starter homes" into more spacious long-term family homes, we will be called upon again to provide a landing spot for them. And we will do it gladly.

Here is the link to Sherry's article. Take the time to read it - it's well worth it.

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/695206217/Someday-your-children-may-be-your-best-friends.html

Baby Feet Shower

May is always a busy time of year with sports starting up, end of year programs, awards banquets, dance recitals, etc. And of course, showers! During May I gave two different showers. This post is about my Baby Feet Shower. Here are the invitations I created. I was under a huge time constraint so there was no time to order or make the invitations. Since I come up with very few original ideas, I shocked myself by creating this invitation. I found a photo on Google of baby feet, saved it in Picnik, did a little editing, and added the text and the borders. I saved it as a jpeg file, sent it to Costco for printing and in just about 4 hours from start to finish, I had my invitations!

I gave the shower with my sister-in-law, my daughter and my niece. This is what greeted our guests when they arrived!

Mom-to-be baby feet sash.

Cake pop favors!

I made this banner and it was so cute but you can't really tell because of the backlighting.

Our baby feet cookies.

Baby feet cupcakes!

My niece Lara came up with these beautiful and delicious strawberry parfaits. They were fantastic!

Pink candy!

We did eat more than sweets!

It was such a fun shower to plan. The four of us had a great time putting it together!

Bridal Shower

The other shower that I gave in May was a bridal shower for the daughter of my neighbor and dear friend. I ordered the invitations from Mixbook. I love this site for photo books, invitations and cards.








For the centerpiece, I decided to make a towel cake. I have been wanting to make one of these for a couple of years and this was the perfect opportunity! I used the bride's wedding colors - hot pink and turquoise - to create this adorable cake.
I used white bath towels and checked out photos and tutorials that I found online to figure out how to put it together.


I decorated the cake with ribbon, silk flowers and various kitchen tools - wooden spoons, ice cream scoop, slotted spoon, spatula, kitchen shears (you get the idea).

I LOVED how it turned out and it was a big hit at the shower. Of course, the bride got to take it home as part of the loot.








And of course, don't forget the thank you cards in her wedding colors. I make a set for all the bridal showers I go to!

I love decorating with tissue balls!

Ribbon Sandwiches!

Ham and turkey rolls.

CAKE POPS! These little treats are so much fun to make and serve. Once again, I found all the instructions online. I can't wait to make more and try out some new ways to decorate them.

It really is a lot of fun for me to plan and give parties. One of the challenges is trying to keep the costs reasonable. I love trying to come up with decorating and food ideas that I can execute on my own, stay within budget, but still create a fun atmosphere and my guests and especially the guest of honor feel special. I love trying new recipes but I've been known to outsource if necessary. It's important to remember that the guests are more important than the decorations or the food.